


Into the Fire

by Penndragon27



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), Canon, Episode: s03e10 Queen of Hearts, Immortal Merlin, M/M, Magic Reveal, Now with amazing cover art!!, Temporary Character Death, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/pseuds/Penndragon27
Summary: What would have happened if Gaius was to late to save Merlin from the pyre?Set after s03e10.





	Into the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Linorian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien) for the AMAZING cover art <3 <3 <3

 

 

Gaius was running out of time. He could see the sun rising out of the corner of his eye and wished it would go slower. The potion for Merlin was still wrong and he needed to finish, needed it to work. Merlin needed it to work.

He angrily poured out the latest mistake and began anew, working quickly, but carefully. His eyes were tired and stinging, but still he worked, double and triple checking every step. Then, as he held the vial up to his book, he felt his heart lift as the colour matched. He had done it.

Wasting no time, he stoppered the vial and ran from his chambers, ignoring any aching or exhaustion he felt. He ran down the steps, ignoring the people calling after him, wondering why the court physician was sprinting through the castle.

When he reached the cells, his eyes widened in horror to see them empty. Merlin was already taken. Despite his laboured breathing, he ran again. He shuffled out to the courtyard to see a large crowd gathered to watch. There, in the center, was Merlin tied to the pyre.

Vision clouded with fear and anger, Gaius fought through the crowd, trying to get to the warlock. He could already smell smoke, but ignored it. He could still make it. If Merlin saw him, he could use his magic to escape. There was still time.

Eventually, he pushed through all the people and made it to the front.

Just in time to see Merlin go up in flames as a bird flying overhead let out a mournful cry.

***

Arthur entered his room that afternoon feeling as though he were missing something. He stood there for a moment, thinking, before it hit him.

He frowned and looked around, irritation rising. Merlin wasn’t there and his room was a mess. Why the hell was his manservant still missing?

He angrily got out of bed and threw on a shirt, preparing what he was going to say to the lazy servant when he found him. If he was still in the tavern Arthur was definitely going to put him in the stocks. Maybe supply the people with some particularly rotten vegetables to throw.

He stormed through the castle, the servants scurrying out of his way at the sight of his furious expression.

He burst open the door to Gaius’ chambers, aiming for Merlin’s room. It was empty.

“Where the hell is my good for nothing servant?”

He turned around to see Gaius sitting on his bed, staring glassily at a vial in his hand. Arthur frowned and carefully approached him.

“Gaius? Are you all right?”

“He’s gone,” the physician whispered.

“What?”

“I failed him,” Gaius’ voice cracked, tears welling in his eyes. Arthur crossed his arms, confused.

“What on earth are you talking about? Where’s Merlin?” He felt fear swell up in his chest.

“It’s all my fault. I-I was too late and now he’s gone.”

“What do you mean, he’s gone? Did he leave?”

Gaius finally looked up, meeting his eyes. Arthur winced at the sorrow they held.

“Merlin… he’s dead, sire.”

Arthur felt his stomach drop. He felt as though the world was spinning. As though he were dreaming.

“What- what do you mean?”

Gaius’ tears were flowing freely and he clutched the vial so tightly his knuckles turned white.

“He was executed this morning. I promised to protect him and I watched him burn.”

Arthur head was spinning. He quickly grabbed a chair so he could sit before he collapsed.

“The execution this morning was for Dragoon, the sorcerer. Merlin was at the tavern.” Wasn’t he?

Gaius sighed. “Merlin was never at the tavern. He has- or rather, he _is_ magic.”

“Merlin?”

“He used an aging spell to get caught,” Gaius’ voice caught in his throat. “He wanted to save Gwen, wanted to take the blame. The spell was too powerful and he couldn’t undo it in time. I was supposed to get him this potion to undo the effects, but I was- I was too late!”

In a fit of anger, Gaius threw the vial and it shattered against the wall. Arthur flinched, having never seen Gaius this angry. He tried to wrap his head around everything.”

“Merlin... has magic? Merlin, my manservant.”

Gaius nodded.

“And he used an aging spell to pretend to be Dragoon.”

Gaius nodded.

“Why? Why would he study magic? Why would he come to Camelot? Why would he willingly get captured?” It didn’t make any sense. Merlin wouldn’t betray him! He was Merlin!

Gaius regarded him sadly. “There is so much you don’t know about him. He didn’t choose any of this. He was born with magic. When I first met him, he saved my life by stopping time and he didn’t know a single spell. For him, magic is part of his nature. It’s instinctual. It’s who he is.”

Arthur inhaled deeply, trying to comprehend everything. “So you helped him hide his magic.”

“Yes, sire. I didn’t want to condemn an innocent boy to his death. Unfortunately, that happened anyway.”

“But magic, it corrupts. He betrayed Camelot.” _He betrayed me,_ he thought.

Arthur wilted at the look Gaius gave him.

“Don’t you ever say that! That boy has saved your life and Camelot more times than I can count. He carried the burden of a great destiny and the lives of the entire kingdom. You owe him more than you know.”

Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, his head a storm of conflicting thoughts and feelings. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been called the Once and Future King before, I expect?”

Arthur nodded. “Merlin has called me that.”

“It’s part of a prophecy. You are destined to unite the land of Albion and create a Golden Age of peace and prosperity.”

“And Merlin knew about this?”

“He had to. You aren’t expected to do it alone. There are prophecies about Merlin as well, although he is called Emrys. He is said to be the greatest warlock to ever walk the earth.”

“Merlin?” Arthur asked in shock. He wanted to laugh at the thought but it caught in his throat.

“Do you ever wonder who sent that light that saved you when you went after the Mortaeus flower? I watched as Merlin, whilst he lay here dying, managed to send it to you.”

“That was Merlin?”

“Do you think that you killed the Afanc alone, or that Lancelot killed the griffin? Because that was Merlin. Sophia, who you supposedly ran away with? A sidhe, intent on killing you to gain immortality. Merlin saved you. Who do you think saved your father from Edwin Muirden? Who actually defeated Cornelius Sigan after you cast him aside? Who uncovered the fact that your stepmother was a troll? Who saved you from the enchantment that made you fall in love with Vivian? Who defeated the Knights of Medhir and actually stopped the Great Dragon? Who saved Uther from the mandrake root and defeated the immortal army? Who removed the changeling from Princess Elena? Who saved you from the Perilous Lands and Uther, once again, from the manticore’s poison? Who has worked tirelessly to protect this kingdom and never once sought any credit? How is he repaid? He is burnt at the stake, once again to save a friend. So don’t you ever say that he betrayed Camelot.”

Gaius’ broke, dropping his face into his hands as Arthur sat in shock. Merlin. His manservant. He had done that?

“Why would he do all that?”

“It was his destiny. He believed in the king you were meant to be. And, you are his friend.”

Arthur felt tears prick at his eyes. “But now he’s gone.”

Gaius nodded, furiously wiping at his eyes.

“But why would he try to get caught? We could’ve found the actual person behind it. We could’ve-”

“There was no time. He couldn’t let Gwen be killed”

Arthur looked up in alarm. “What? So he died instead?”

“He wasn’t supposed to. This wasn’t the plan. I was supposed to be there, I was supposed to save him-”

Arthur reached out and placed a hand on Gaius’ shoulder.

“You can’t blame yourself, Gaius.” His voice sounded hollow, broken.

Gaius shook him off and stood. “If you don’t mind, sire, I’d prefer to be alone right now”

Arthur stood up as well. “Gaius-”

“Please, sire. And I require a few days leave. I have to- I have to tell Hunith…”

Arthur felt his stomach twist at the thought of Hunith finding out her only son was gone.

Nodding silently, he headed for the door, trying to stop his head from spinning when Gaius called out to him.

“All I ask is that you not tell your father. I’d rather Merlin be remembered fondly, even if you decide to hate him for his betrayal.”

Arthur nodded quickly before leaving the chambers, heading down the hall, and running right into Guinevere.

“Arthur!”

He looked at her and then pulled her into an alcove so he could wrap hi arms around her and bury his head into her shoulder, finally allowing himself to cry. Gwen said nothing, and gently rubbed his back until he calmed down.

“Arthur, what on earth happened?”

“Merlin- he’s-” he couldn’t say it. He took a deep breath. “Merlin is gone.”

Gwen’s jaw dropped in horror. “Gone? What do you mean?”

“He- he has magic.”

Arthur watched as she froze in shock before her eyes lit up in realization. “That explains so much.”

“What do you mean?”

She smiled slightly. “Well, when my father was sick, Merlin somehow knew he was better before I’d said anything. Obviously he had healed him. Plus, the way he’s devoted to you and the way soldiers and assassins seem to conveniently trip when he’s around.”

Arthur suddenly thought back to branches falling on bandits and saddles suddenly breaking. How many times had Merlin saved his life?

“Wait, what do you mean he’s gone?”

Arthur felt sick again at the reminder. “He was the sorcerer we burned. He disguised himself with magic and took the blame.”

Gwen’s eyes filled with tears. “He- to save me- how-”

“Apparently he planned to escape, but it went wrong.”

“Oh, Arthur.”

“I don’t know what to do! He lied to me all these years! But he saved me and you and Camelot! But isn’t magic evil? But he’s gone! And I can’t even properly mourn him because nobody can know about him. What do I do?”

“Oh, Arthur, you know Merlin. You know he could never betray you.”

“Apparently I don’t know him at all. How many times has he lied to me?”

Gwen regarded him sadly. “Merlin would never do anything to hurt you. If he lied to you, it was only to protect you.”

“Or himself.”

Gwen gave a wry smile. “Well, you can’t blame him for being apprehensive.

Arthur leaned against the wall, feeling weak. “All those times I told him how evil magic was, how you should never trust a sorcerer. Why would he still be loyal to me?”

“Merlin is the most loyal person I’ve ever met. He probably had faith that you would accept him. One day.”

Arthur gave a small smile. “Maybe after I united Albion.”

“Huh?”

He shook his head, not wanting to discuss destiny now. Besides, Merlin was gone. How would Arthur fulfill his destiny without him by his side? If all the destiny stuff was true. He groaned.

“This is so frustrating! He’s gone and I want to mourn him, but I’m mad at him. I want to hate him so much for lying to me, for betraying me. I can’t- I don’t want this to happen.”

Gwen sighed and took him in her arms again.

“I know, Arthur. It’s hard. I have faith that Merlin is-was,” she took a stuttering breath, “a good person and would never betray you. I mean, he died to save me from the pyre That’s not the action of someone evil.”

“I know, I just- I know.”

Arthur blinked back returning tears. “Why did he never tell me?”

Gwen pulled back, a soft expression on her face. “I’m sure he wanted to. Think how hard it must have been for him.”

“I never got a chance to thank him. Or to apologize.”

“I think he knows.”

***

Arthur was in a daze. For the next few weeks, he kept catching himself turning to ask Merlin something, only to see a different servant in his place. All his chores were so competently done and Arthur hated it. He never realized how much he relied on Merlin for banter. For advice. For friendship.

He also began to notice how Merlin had used magic before. His bath was never as warm, no matter how his new servant tried. When he grabbed his armour, he found that there were dents that Merlin had always been able to fix, but were now regarded as permanent. How had he been so ignorant? He had always known there was something about Merlin, he just never expected it to be this.

He refused to hire a new manservant. He didn’t want to replace Merlin and, honestly, he didn’t think he could cope with the possibility of growing close with a new servant.

He couldn’t cope with being close with anyone, really. He hadn’t had anymore getaways with Gwen after… everything and threw himself into work and training.

He also found himself spending a lot of time in Gaius’ chambers, trying to get to know the manservant that was apparently a stranger to him. And that was where he found himself one afternoon.

“So Merlin was just born with magic? Does that happen?”

Gaius sighed. He had very quiet since Merlin, carrying out his duties mechanically. It was even harder because he couldn’t really tell people the truth for fear of Uther finding out, thus branding Merlin a traitor, and instead let people believe Merlin was killed by bandits.

“I’ve never met anyone like Merlin. His mother was always so scared. He could move objects before he could talk. He could stop time before learning any spells.”

Magic is not always a choice. Sure, you can practice it to some extent, but that innate sense, that sensitivity to magic? That is part of nature. Magic is part of the very fabric of the world, woven into the earth and sky. Without it, everything would crumble to nothing.”

Arthur hesitated. This conversation was treason, but he wanted to know more. “And Merlin was born with this sensitivity?”

Gaius gave a dry laugh, eyes remaining dim. “Merlin is more than that. He is the very embodiment of magic. He was sent here because he couldn’t control it in Ealdor. Whatever Merlin is… was, he’s more than that.”

“How did he never grow bitter?”

Gaius’ expression grew sad and he bent over his table, preparing a potion.

“It wasn’t easy. He had grown up believing he was something to be feared. When I first met him he was convinced he was a monster.”

Arthur felt his heart sink. Even Merlin had felt that fear.

“He was so confused, so lost. He couldn’t understand why he was born the way he was. Then he discovered the prophecy and that helped. Gave him some purpose.”

“It must’ve been so hard for him.”

Gaius gave him what almost resembled a smile. “Oh, he had his bad days. That incident with Cedric and Cornelius Sigan? One of those days.”

Arthur felt guilt rise in him, a near constant occurrence these days. “And he was right, as usual. But I sent him to the dungeons.”

“Like I said,” Gaius’ voice was sharp, “not one of his best days.”

Arthur looked down. While Gaius helped explain things about the young warlock, he regarded Arthur with trepidation, sometimes being downright cold/ It didn’t help with his guilt/

“I am sorry, Gaius. For everything.”

Gaius hesitated, setting down a beaker. He turned to face Arthur, expression grim.

“I suppose I know that. I know that I shouldn’t be mad at you, but I can’t help it. You may not have known everything he had done for you, but he was still loyal. Still a good person. The amount of times I had to treat injuries he would have to hide from you or assure him that he was doing the right thing, even though he was treated like dirt. He gave everything for this kingdom and everyone treated him like an idiot.”

Arthur felt that ever-present guilt fill his stomach. “I want to change that. He deserves recognition for what he’s done. Maybe when I’m king-”

Gaius waved him off. “I suppose it doesn’t really matter now. If you don’t mind, I have some work to do.”

Arthur nodded before getting up slowly and leaving the room. He headed towards his chambers, half expecting to see Merlin there, doing something ridiculous. He wasn’t.

He was surprised at how much he wished Merlin was with him, able to say something unknowingly wise and helpful. As annoying as Merlin could be, he always believed in Arthur and helped him through times like this.

But now Merlin was gone. Arthur had practically killed him himself, leading him to the pyre. He thought back to meeting the old sorcerer, how familiar he looked. It made sense now. And then Merlin had yelled at him and the king, free to say what he wanted. Free to call out the king on his vendetta, to berate Arthur for how he treated his servants. He almost laughed at the memory.

He wondered what Merlin would say, if he were here, if Arthur talked to him about his thoughts and fears. Probably something cheesy, like how Arthur was destined to be a great king, no matter what. Or that it wasn’t his fault. Then he’d call him a prat.

He could talk to Guinevere, but she’d just hug him and tell him everything would be okay. He didn’t want that, because it wasn’t. Merlin was gone.

What if Merlin had trusted him? What if he had told Arthur about his magic? Arthur liked to think he wouldn’t have had him executed. He’d have to lie to his father, though. But maybe Merlin would still be alive. He would be there to tell Arthur what to do, to call Arthur a prat or a clotpole or whatever.

But it made no difference because Merlin was dead. Because of Arthur.

***

Much to Arthur’s chagrin, life went on and he had to fulfil his duty no matter how angry and upset he was. And yet, even if Merlin was dead, he was still everywhere.

When the tournament came around and Gaius warned him of a boy, Gilli, using magic, Arthur didn’t arrest him. Instead, he talked to him.

“Why aren’t you arresting me?” Gilli had asked.

“Because,” Arthur had said. “I have to believe you aren’t evil. Just because you use magic doesn’t mean you can’t make the right choice.”

Gilli had been confused, of course, as to why the Crown Prince of Camelot was being so lenient and understanding, but Arthur had explained. He told him about Merlin and all he had done for the kingdom and how all Arthur wanted was to one day build a land where people like him could live freely. Where great men weren’t burned at the stake for protecting a dear friend.

Gilli was shocked, to say the least, but agreed to withdraw from the tournament, promising to return when Arthur was king so he could serve him faithfully.

Letting his father win after that was easy.

***

Unfortunately, that victory didn’t last long when all too soon Arthur was on the run because his castle was taken and Morgana, his _sister,_ had betrayed him.

He sat in the cave, wondering how he could have been so surrounded by magic and been none the wiser. He briefly found himself wondering if Merlin would have become that bitter, that angry, given enough time, but quickly put that thought from his mind. Merlin had magic since birth and he never wavered.

Morgana had, though. Having to act as though she loved Uther while eagerly awaiting his end had allowed fear and hate take over. And now the Morgana he grew up with was gone.

He wondered what Merlin would say if he were there. Probably prattle on about his destiny or whatever. Probably go on about how it wasn’t Arthur’s fault. Probably make some stupid joke in an attempt to get Arthur to smile.

Merlin would also tell Arthur not to give up, to fight for his kingdom. So that’s what he had to do.

***

Arthur had a plan. He was ready to infiltrate the castle and rescue his father and he had a batch of freshly knighted men to fight alongside him.

To say he was surprised to run into Percival and Lancelot was an understatement. Apparently they had received word of the situation and came to help and Arthur wasn’t complaining. He was also happy that Gwen and Lancelot were reunited, as their affection for each other was quite obvious.

He found himself wishing for Merlin again and didn’t dwell on why.

Instead, he led his men into the castle. They were doing well, until the whole ‘immortal army’ thing became a bit of an issue.

And then the soldiers exploded. And they had won.

But it didn’t feel like it. Not without Merlin.

***

Arthur wished he had more time to meet with Gaius to learn about Merlin, but with the way his father reacted to Morgana Arthur found his list of duties tripled.

He still missed Merlin, especially with the affronted look his (temporary) new manservant gave him when Arthur asked if he could write his speech. Merlin had also been better at waking him up in the morning, not afraid to drag him out of bed.

Arthur switched manservants every week, afraid to become too attached to one, and he hated all of them. They were too quiet, too obedient. They weren’t Merlin.

Even a year later, the wound was still fresh. People were wary about mentioning his old manservant in front of him.

Arthur could really only talk to Gaius, Gwen, and now Lancelot (who had apparently known the whole time, which Arthur was pretty annoyed about). Gwaine had been livid to find out that Merlin was gone and only stayed in Camelot in his honour and refused to talk to anyone about the warlock. Arthur was okay with that because he had a few suspicions about their relationship he’d rather not have confirmed.

Sometimes Arthur would imagine that Merlin was still there. He’d glance at the servants during a feast and could almost see a mop of dark hair and blue eyes. Sometimes he’d be fighting bandits and a branch would fall on one and Arthur would hurriedly look around, only to find nothing but the birds and the trees.

It seemed that no matter how much time passed, Arthur just couldn’t adjust to life without Merlin. He felt as though a piece of him were missing. He found himself wondering how he could be this great king he was expected to be if he didn’t have Merlin by his side.

He couldn’t, plain and simple.

***

Arthur often found himself wondering whether Merlin had put a protection spell on him or something, but especially so after the whole Dorocha debacle.

He had set out, intent on sacrificing himself for his people, and yet he was fine and the veil was closed. He asked the others and Lancelot said he had also been willing to sacrifice himself, but they had all suddenly woken up on the Isle, creepy old woman gone and everyone safe.

Back in Camelot, Arthur questioned Gaius, but the best he could come up with was that the gatekeeper, the Cailleach, had changed her mind. That seemed unlikely, but it was the only explanation. Unless Arthur had another secret protector.

***

This protection, it seemed, did not extend to his father. Thanks to one of Odin’s assassins, Uther was dead and Arthur was being crowned king. The whole situation filled him with mixed feelings. He was, of course, devastated at the loss of his father, but now he could make changes to the kingdom that his father would never allow.

And so, on the eve of his coronation, he sat at his desk and began to write.

***

A few months later, Arthur presided over a feast, bright and merry despite the rain outside. None of the guests knew the reason for it except for the king and the council, but soon all would be revealed. Before everyone could become too drunk and rowdy, Arthur stood and silence fell.

“I would like to thank you all for coming. I have no doubt that you are all wondering what it is that we are celebrating, but I assure you it is a great cause. At least, I hope you all find it so.

“For many years my father fought to rid this land of magic. While I will always hold that he was a great king, it is in this regard where our views differ. I have seen magic used for good. I have learned that it is not magic that is evil, but man. That is why I have decided to lift the ban on magic.”

Gasps filled the hall, but Arthur went on, ignoring a particularly loud clap of thunder.

“This does not mean that we will let magic run rampant. Just as there are laws to prevent crimes with a sword, so too there will be laws to prevent the darker forms of magic. Due to my limited knowledge, I have decided to bring back the position of Court Sorcerer, which will be filled as soon as I find someone worthy of it. Hopefully, we can bring peace to the land and allow all kinds of people to live freely, no matter how they were born.”

There was polite applause as Arthur sat back down and he scanned the faces. Some looked afraid, some aghast, but most of the hall looked relieved, as though they could breathe again. It was that relief that assured Arthur that he’d made the right decision.

He called for more wine as lightning flashed through the hall. Suddenly, as the sky rumbled with thunder, the doors burst open and a cloaked figure entered. The knights moved to action, but it was pointless as the figure collapsed to the ground. Arthur leapt from his seat and rushed forwards as Lancelot knelt by the stranger.

Arthur reached them as Lancelot pulled back the hood, revealing a pale, angular face with sharp cheekbones, topped with tangled black hair. Arthur felt his heart leap to his throat.

“ _Merlin?_ ”

***

Arthur paced outside of Gaius’ chambers the next morning, neck stiff from having slept on the floor that night. He had been told by practically everyone to go to his chambers, but he refused. He had to know if this was real. If Merlin was alive. If he was here, in the castle, on the other side of this door.

Said door finally swung open and Gaius’ eyes widened at the sight of the king, rumpled and bleary eyed.

“Your highness, I-”

“Is he okay? Is it…is it Merlin?” Arthur strode past the physician and into the room. He made towards Merlin’s room, but was pulled back by Gaius.

“Well, he was unconscious for most of the night and has only been awake for a little while, but it seems- I don’t know how- but I think it is… Merlin.”

Arthur felt his head spin and wavered between falling into a chair and rushing into the room to see for himself.

“What happened to him?” His voice was faint, barely there, but Gaius heard him.

“I haven’t heard the full story. He’s very weak and his body is covered in burns. The fainting seems to be from exhaustion and I was just on my way to get some herbs and some food.”

“Can I-” Arthur cleared his throat. “Can I talk to him?”

Gaius regarded him carefully. “I suppose so, but try not to stress him out to much. I have no doubt he’s been through a lot.”

Arthur nodded as Gaius left and turned towards the door to Merlin’s room. Hesitating only a moment, he went in.

There, on the bed, was Merlin. But, different.

For one, his hair was longer, a curly mess that covered the tips of his ears. He also had a slight beard, just a bit of shadow that Arthur had the sudden urge to feel.

He was shirtless, and the sight there almost made him wince. Across his chest and over his left shoulder, the skin was burnt and scarred. There were more marks around his arms and ribs, but not as bad as the first one.

“Are you going to keep staring or would you like to sit down?”

Arthur jolted at the low, raspy voice. His eyes jumped up to meet Merlin’s ( _his Merlin_ ) and he dizzily took the seat next to the bed. He opened his mouth to speak when there was a loud screech and then a bird flew over his head and perched next to Merlin, eyeing Arthur warily.

“What the bloody hell?”

Merlin smiled, that same grin Arthur had dreamed about for the past year, and lifted a hand to gently stroke the bird.

“This is Cadoc and he saved my life. Forgive him if he’s a bit overprotective.” Merlin shifted so he was sitting upright and settled the bird in his lap to pet absently while Arthur gaped at him.

Arthur had so many questions swirling through his mind coupled with the desire to hug Merlin, hold hi tight and never let him go.

What he settled on was asking “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Merlin bit his lip in thought for a moment. “Er, about the magic or about the being alive?”

“Both.”

“Well, the whole ‘not dead’ thing is a long story, as I couldn’t tell you. About the magic… I wanted to, so many times, but…”

“You didn’t trust me,” Arthur finished.

Merlin’s eyes widened in horror. “No, that’s not it at all! Okay, for the first bit I was mainly worried you’d have me executed, or that you’d tell your father and he’d do it.”

“I wouldn’t have!”

“Maybe later on, but then you would have to lie to your father and I couldn’t put you in that position.”

Arthur felt his stomach swoop with affection and reached out a tentative hand to rest on Merlin’s arm. To feel him. To assure himself this was real.

“How are you alive?” His eyes were stinging with tears, but at this point he didn’t care.

Merlin sighed and lifted his bird up to rest on the nightstand. Cadoc let out a squawk of protest but was otherwise still.

“Well, I was at the pyre, waiting for Gaius to arrive with the potion, I’m sure he told you all about it, and it’s not his fault. It’s not yours either,” Merlin added when Arthur opened his mouth to interrupt. “If anything, it’s my fault. Anyway, I was running out of time and the fire was being lit. Then, overhead, was Cadoc. I knew he was a merlin and that just seemed fitting. I focused on him and my magic did the rest. I left my body and borrowed his.”

Arthur furrowed his brow. “What?”

“Well, my body was being burned, but my spirit was free to go wherever it wanted. It went to Cadoc and we now know each other extremely well, don’t we, cariad.” Merlin scratched the falcon, the _merlin,_ under its chin and Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose.

“So this past year you were-”

“A bird, yeah, which is why I couldn’t exactly talk to you. I watched you though, made sure you were okay. You might’ve noticed a bit of magical aid.”

“That _was_ you!” Arthur exclaimed in shock. “I knew there was something weird with the immortal army and when I fought Annis’ soldier.”

“Yep, all me. Just because I was dead doesn’t mean I’d stop protecting you.”

Arthur felt his face fall. “You were dead. I thought that I’d never see you again.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. And… your father. I wish I could have helped, but my magic was pretty limited.”

Arthur shook his head and finally worked up the nerve to take Merlin’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Merlin nodded and gave a small smile and Arthur thought of all the moments where that was all he wanted. And now he had it and he was never losing it again. A sudden thought occurred to him.

“How did you return to being human?”

Merlin suddenly cringed. “That was not a pleasant process, let me tell you. A friend of mine collected my remains and we both worked to rebuild it. It was long and slow, but we eventually got there. As you can see, there was a bit left, but when I found out you were lifting the ban on magic I knew I couldn’t miss it.”

Arthur smiled at the man in front of him and all the magic in the world couldn’t have stopped him from leaning forward and pressing their lips together.

Merlin was frozen for a moment before responding, gentle and hesitant, as though he was afraid Arthur would pull away, but that was the furthest thought from his head. Arthur felt that hollow feeling that had been present ever since that terrible day finally disappear. He finally felt whole.

“I love you,” he murmured against Merlin’s lips and tasted the salt of tears, though he couldn’t be sure of whose they were. He felt a hand in his hair and another on his waist and then Merlin pulled back just enough to say “I love you, too.”

Arthur finally wrapped his arms around Merlin, holding on tight because he was never letting go.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Into the Fire cover](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17582270) by [Linorien](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien)




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